Mentor/Mentee Dessert

Pairing up mentors and teen moms can be challenging & sometimes a bit awkward. Lisa Anderson, the YoungLives Coordinator in Grand Rapids, MI, hosted a Mentor/Mentee Dessert as a way of formally pairing up mentors with their teen moms. Here's some details about what she did:

Making a match is a delicate process. It takes time, focus, and prayer. I'd love to share with you how I approached "making the match" this year. For the first semester I got to know my mentors and the moms. As I learned about each of them, I began to sketch out who I thought might work well together, and I put a bug in the mentor's ear to start pursuing a certain girl at club, and on Facebook. It was sort of a behind the scenes courting process. When second semester began, I invited the pairs to come to my house for dessert, with babies in tow.

I invited 4 pairs to my house, and would suggest that as a good size group. (If you have more to pair up I would suggest keeping the dessert night at 4 pairs per event.) Each mentor picked up the mom and baby they would be paired with and brought them to my home. We had dessert and chatted for a bit, and then I shared with them why I had invited them over.

I started by explaining what YoungLives mentoring was all about, and what it was not. This was taken straight from the YoungLives Mentor Handbook. We talked about Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, and that together we are stronger. 

⁹ Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. ¹⁰ For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!¹¹ Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? ¹² And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

When new mentor relationships begin it can be difficult to get to know someone, but it becomes easier if you are working on a common goal. So to help facilitate this process I asked the girls and mentors to do an exercise with me. I asked a few questions, and this worked because the small group setting helped create a more intimate atmosphere. 

1) How old were you when you found out you were pregnant? The answers ranged from 12-18 yrs old.

2) What was life like one year before you got pregnant? Some girls were having sleep overs every night with their best friends, some were "doing their thing", some talked about just being free to do whatever they wanted.

3) Before having kids what did you think your future would be like? Maybe you hadn't even thought that far ahead. Most girls had not.

We talked about how much life had changed for them, the good, and the bad. Then the next set of questions:

1) In three years, how old will your baby be? The answer ranged from a 2.5-5 yrs old...we talked a bit about what their kids would be doing when they were that old.

2) In three years, where do you want to see yourself? The answers ranged from living on my own, to getting my college education, having a job, etc.

This led into a great conversation about how we need to make small goals in order to reach the big ones. I shared one of the cool things about having a mentor is that we love to dream with you, encourage you, and celebrate you! So then I asked them the following:

1) What goal would you like to accomplish in the next 3 months? Lose 10 lbs; finish 4 classes; find a job

2) How do you plan to achieve these goals?

I had the girls write these things down on a 3x5 card and give them to their mentor. I challenged the girls and mentors to start working on these goals together. It helps set the mentors up for contact work. As a mentor, if you don't know what to do for contact work this has made it easier...go for a walk to encourage weight loss; look through the job adds together and help her fill out an application; ask her how classes are going. When you work together toward a goal, you are giving life to trust and relationship...and it takes the pressure off of having to come up with something to say.

The plan is to meet back with this small group in three months to adjust goals, celebrate wins, etc. This also helps me stay connected to my mentors and the girls and what they are working on.

Thanks for the idea, Lisa!